Chapter III – Part 7

$ I would like to congratulate you on  such an extraordinary journey inside yourself. What was next?

$ The alarm clock.

$ Perfect timing! Now, after the meditation, tell me what comes to your mind when you think of observing yourself through a key hole and being a mammoth, an extinct species. Or generally, what are your impressions after the meditation?

$ My first association is that when I meditate I have a look inside myself. I told you that I had never meditated, that to me it was a waste of time and I realized that I had repressed one experience. Well, one day, the Pentecost’s Eve, I attended a night vigil in a church. After chants and prayers there was an introduction in the meditation. The meditation itself lasted for a very long time, over an hour or so or maybe it was only my impression. Then we had a break for a meal, chants again and a mass. Anyway, during that meditation some people sobbed, a girl sitting next to me was crying and tears from her eyes and from her nose were flooding on her clothes, some other people had paroxysm of laughter, somebody fell automatically, foaming at the mouth. Of course, priests assisted those people, took care of them and I was terrified when I had seen that you could lose total control over yourself. I was in a regular church and I had the impression I had come to a forbidden congregation that hypnotizes people.

$ Today, after your first meditation, what do you think about that experience?

$ I think those people saw something through their key holes. Or that they had courage to open the door wide, get to know the mammoth at once, not the way I have been doing this: first the eye, then the eyelashes etc.

$ That’s well put.

$ And I think to myself: I perceive my person as a mammoth: well-built body, disproportionate, zero sex appeal. They must have smelt. Yuck!

$ And they are an extinct species so if we don’t protect such an endangered specimen like you, you’ll share their fate.

$ I thought about something similar recently. It was somebody’s name day at work. I was eating a cake offered by the name day person and a colleague from my department sniped at me: something about diets, looking for pleasures of the palate instead of pleasures in the bedroom. I tried to make fun of it but deep in my heart I was swallowing bitter tears. And I had two visions of revenge. In the first one I lost much weight, I was incredibly popular with men, this very guy fell in love with me too and I was totally out of his league. In the other one, I died, I was extinct like my mammoth and he felt awkward at the funeral because he didn’t have time to say sorry for his appalling behavior at the name day.

$ I have an impulse to tell you about givers and takers. Have you ever heard about the division of people into givers and takers?

$ Not that I can recall.

$ Well, basically, everybody is a giver or a taker. Givers feel happy when they give; takers feel happy when they take. A giver feels born to give; a taker feels born to take. Givers and takers feel attracted to each other because they complete each other. Givers keep on giving and eventually they feel exhausted because they need to get something, too. Takers keep on taking and eventually they feel bored with the constant receiving that does not require any effort from them. They can even leave and then the givers feel resentful: how can you leave somebody who has given you so much? Do you indentify with one of these patterns?

$ Evidently with givers.

$ If a relationship between a giver and a taker is supposed to become harmonious, the giver needs to learn how to take, and it’s best to take from the takers. Think of a person from among your friends and acquaintances who is a textbook taker. Does anybody come to your mind?

$ O, yes! Many people!

$ So tell me please what their strategies are to receive things.

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