Chapter I – Part 4

$ That’s it. Resistance against change can get various forms, e.g. the form of impatience.

$ To me it is rather evidence that I can’t wait, that I want so much to change.

$ That’s what I can claim aloud but deep in my heart I may want to have it behind me. Secondly, I can give up (because apparently I don’t have enough patience) instead of contacting with my fear of losing or with my resistance. Thirdly, if I don’t develop my patience, there is a chance of making more mistakes and consequently of reassuring myself that a change for better is for others, not for me. Another form: change of subject.

$ O, yes! Change of subject is a signal of a resistance per se, not only resistance against change. Recently, I was talking to an old acquaintance of mine and told him I was expecting a grandchild. He didn’t even say half a word of congratulations, only: by the way, before I forget… And it wasn’t by the way what he was going to tell me. Anyway, his children are a little older than mine, none of them has an intention of founding their own family.

$ He compared himself with you and it hurt. Other forms: leaving the room, coming late, getting ill, hanging back, getting distracted, eating, smoking.

$ Eating sounds familiar.

$ Assumptions (like: “it doesn’t make sense anyway”); convictions (“I don’t believe in me”); procrastination.

$ After Easter, after the long weekend, after holidays…

$ O, yes! Denying that you need a change, repressed memory, motivated forgetting.

$ Actually what do I need English for? I have been fine without English for 30 years, I will be fine the next 60 years.

$ That’s right. Last but not least, fear of the unknown, fear of failure. Let’s face the first exercise. The aim of this exercise is to change your attitude towards English, towards learning foreign languages etc. First you realize what your attitude is, if you find out that a given attitude prevents you from learning English, from being healthy etc. you decide to change it without entering into details. You set a task and you trust your intuition.

$ I know what else disgusts me in these exercises of yours. I associate them with a psychomanipulation, sects, subliminal programming.

$ You know what they say: what you see, you are. Let’s get started with psychomanipulation, sects and subliminal programming then. By the way, what is the difference between a manipulation and … and what? What can you call it? A neutral telling people things? Let’s have a look at such 3 situations: 1. you swamp your assistant with compliments and bonuses because in your opinion she can do better than that and if she falls in love with you she will do anything for you; 2. you swamp your assistant with compliments and bonuses because in your opinion she’s been doing an excellent job and in this way you express your gratitude; 3. you deliberately conceal all the compliments addressed to you assistant and you scant on bonuses for her because in spite of her exemplary work you don’t want her to either fall in love with you or to grow too big for her boots. Where is manipulation?

$ Such 3 situations don’t exhaust the subject and situation number 2 hardly ever takes place. Get a grip! Nobody does an excellent job in a long term.

$ So there is manipulation in situation 1 and 3.

$ Yes, and to me, you can talk about manipulation when you expect a particular result in somebody’s actions and that is the reason of what you’re doing.

$ So if I suggest you do an exercise and my intention is to enable you at the end of the day to communicate in a foreign language, does it mean: I manipulate you?

$ That’s what I’m afraid of.

$ Are you worried that a witch can come, make hocus pocus and disenchant your foreign language?

$ I have no guarantee that it is safe, that she won’t do any harm to me.

$ Do you need to control in order to avoid risks?

$ Yes, I do, I hate unmanageable things.

$ Let’s get back to the question of attitude.

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